I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just pee around me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
