I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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