I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
