I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
