pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
