It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
