I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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