I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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