I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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