Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
