Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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