and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
