There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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