I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
