Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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