He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
