never play flip cup with pint glasses
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
