Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
