This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
