There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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