you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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