moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You ruined the universe
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
