Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
