All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
