His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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