so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
