She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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