____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
