i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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