YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
