My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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