Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
