I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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