ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
