if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
