I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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