HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
