i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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