is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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