There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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