Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Houston, we have a squirter
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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