We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
