my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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