dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
