I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
