The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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