i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
