I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
