sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
