Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
