remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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