so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We just shotgunned beers for America
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
