When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
