It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
