So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Banned from zoo.
Again?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
