those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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