I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
