Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
