you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
