You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
