textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
