Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
