Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
