We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
